Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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