i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
