Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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