I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex on a dog bed..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
