you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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