You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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