There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
