im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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