please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
