Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
