Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
