What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize