This gyro tastes like lonliness
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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