I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
