His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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