You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
