She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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