...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
