Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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