I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you win again, gameday.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
