i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
