At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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