I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
