apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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