Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
