the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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