Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
