JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
