we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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