My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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