**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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