he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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