i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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