Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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