plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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