do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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