So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
