Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize