Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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