I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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