so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
