Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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