Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
is that a dick in a sweater?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
