with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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