i just wanna soil my oats bro
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Houston, we have a blender
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want nice things and good sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
