They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
