So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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