It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
