So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
