He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
