Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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