I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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