just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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