I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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