I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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