Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
