just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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