He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
