Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
