No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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