so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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