FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
