I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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