I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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