I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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