Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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