I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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