My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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