You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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