all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
