i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
