Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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