someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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