obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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