Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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